Everything has changed.

  its the new things that made a great impact on your life. 

Hi, finally gonna update again! My life are pretty devastated tho. So a month ago, i went for a vacation trip with, of course, my family. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for 4 pretty damn days. I went there with an intention of passing things to a friend of mine that stays in Klang. I don't know where shall I start but lets just say, I know them from my bestfriend which happens to have a boy-bestfriend which stays in Malaysia. And then, through him, i met this guy. Well, i don't know but knowing this guy sparks my entire life. And that i sense we've some connections. 

And so, i was nervously waiting for their arrival.......i was terrified as hell. Having to look at my phone every minute to see how i look bcs first impression does matter. I tried to distract myself by laughing at not-funny-kind-of-joke made by myself  LOL. and i swear i felt like pooping. I wasn't nervous in meeting this "boy-bestfriend" but i was nervous in meeting "this guy", up to this day, i could still imagine how nervous and terrified i was. but hey! it wasn't that bad. i tried not to look at him but i couldn't help it but to always take a glimpse hehe and he's quite adorable. 

First meeting, went well. I could still still imagine how shy we react with each other and of course, me having the courage to urge him to talk to me only because i wanted to hear his voice. But other than his voice, i heard him sing. I have no idea but i'm smiling at myself when i'm typing everything out. His awkwardness + the way he avoid looking at me makes me more happy. And he even took the courage to sing for me my 'fav' song. Sucks because the time went really fast and i had to leave to avoid the terrible road jams.

But as soon as i leave, i kept on looking at our selfies that we took. And waking up to the song he sang for me which was aired on the radio. Coincidence much? think so. At that moment of time, i knew we might share the same interest and that he regard me not only as his friend, but perhaps something more. But in reality, i still have to dream only because he's someone else's now. I don't want to be a third party, and so. And i'm sure he don't regard me the same way i regard him as his relationship with his girl is quite strong tho. 

I suffer with my own feelings. On the day that i was leaving, i really hope he could appear right infront of my hotel door and you know wave me goodbye, so that when i won't miss him. high hopes crashed. wasn't fortunate enough, why? because we're friends, nothing more than that. Safely reached and we're miles apart again. Truth hurts. The least i could do is, stalk him on wechat. As time goes by, his likes disappear. I could still manage the pain. But up until today, he hide his moment from me. I've been asking myself, why. Why now? And i repel. Couldn't even find anything to cheer myself up. Its like things are struggling in my life. I've no words to explain. I was beyond hurt. If my feelings could talk, probably people will know how much pain i'm suffering. And then i realized ;

                                             Everything has changed. 

And for sahat manik, i wish you're healthy & happy always, jangan pernah abaikan perasaan orang yang selalu amik berat tentang awak walaupun dari jauh. mungkin saya tidak faham dengan cara awak maka dgn itu saya mintak maaf dgn awak sekiranya saya pernah sakitkan hati awak dengan apa apa cara pun. saya harap sangat awak berbahgia dgn cha walaupun saya tk pernah rasa kebahagiaan itu. awak selalu.